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Maybe I’m the only one who fell in love with Captain Nemo while reading 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.  He is not traditionally characterized as a romantic lead even though he has all of the classic traits – intelligence, immense wealth, good looks, and the most important ingredient, a whole lot of emo.  Even M. Arronax, the book’s narrator, is intrigued by him.

Whether this person was thirty-five or fifty years of age, who could say?  He was tall, had a broad forehead, a straight nose, a clearly cut mouth, and beautiful teeth.  His finely tapering hands evidenced a highly nervous temperament.  This man was certainly the finest specimen of the genus Homo that I had ever met.

Plus, think of the pearls he would give you!  Sounds pretty good, am I right, ladies?  But what would it be like to really be married to this mysterious mad genius?

First Date
You: Wow, you live on a house boat?  This is really cool – thanks for having me over.

Nemo:  You must realize now that you have seen this place, you may never leave.  My secret must never be revealed to the world!

You:  You mean the fact that you have purple curtains?

Cooking In

Further proof that every man looks better in a dressing gown.

Further proof that every man looks better in a dressing gown.

You:  Gosh, this is so romantic, I can’t believe you offered to cook for me!  What are we having?

Nemo:  Here on the Nautilus our diet is comprised entirely of the fruits of the sea – no creatures of the land shall touch our lips.  For an appetizer, we have sea cucumber puree in slug sauce.  The salad course will be braised kelp with roasted stingray egg sacks, and the entree will be filet of sea lion with mashed sea urchin and roasted brain coral.

You:  Um…

Living Together
You:  Nemo, I haven’t seen you for days!  I’m getting really tired of sitting in this library staring at preserved sea slugs.  I find it very frustrating that you feel like you can come and go as you please with no thought for my feelings or needs and without ever telling me your intentions.  I live here too, you know!

Nemo:  <ignores you, stares at nautical charts>

You:  Nemo!  Did you hear me?

Nemo:  <Pushes button to open window to the ocean> Would you just shut up and look at the fish?  That seemed to occupy the last group I had in here for hours and hours.

Evenings together

You: <groggily> Nemo, what’s going on?  How long have I been asleep?  I feel like I’ve been drugged, and my bedroom door was locked from the outside.  And…oh my gosh!  Who is that man lying bleeding in the corner?! What have you been doing?

Nemo: Do not question me!  I am the Captain!

Hanging out with friends

Nemo: <speaks in unknown foreign language to friends>

Friends: <look at you and laugh>

You:  Nemo, what are you guys talking about?  What language is that anyway?

Nemo: Nothing dear, we are just talking business.  <Rolls his eyes, looks over at his friends, points at you, speaks more gibberish>

Friends: <Uproarious laughter>

You:  Why do all these men live here with us?