This will be a recurring post that answers the question of what it would be like to be married to that literary character you are in love with. Would it really be that great to be married to your Byronic ideal and have to deal with his emo day in and day out? Here is a day married to Mr. Darcy, from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.
— Waking Up —
You wake up at 8am, roll over, and find that your husband, Fitzwilliam Darcy, is not in bed next to you. Suddenly, the door opens.
Darcy: Are you still asleep?
You: Of course. It’s Saturday, and it’s only 8am! Where have you been? I thought we might cuddle…
Darcy: I awoke at 5am, restless to begin the day. I have been riding around the estate all morning. I am ashamed of your laziness. What is for breakfast?
You: My…what? I think there’s some cereal in the…
Darcy: CEREAL?! This I CANNOT stand!
<Darcy storms out and slams the door>
— Taking messages —
Darcy: Your mother called while you were out.
You: Oh, really? What did she have to say?
Darcy: I wouldn’t know. I hung up on her as soon as I heard her shrill voice. I refuse to speak to that silly woman.
You: What? But she’s your mother-in-law….
Darcy: I MUST refuse! My pride will NOT allow it!
You: Um…ok. I guess I’ll call her back.
— Intimate Moments —
Darcy comes home from a long trip into town.
You: <Arms spread> I’ve missed you! I’m so glad you are back.
Darcy: <puts his hand out to shake> Darcys don’t hug.
— Out with Friends —
You: Laura, Steve, this is my husband Fitzwilliam. Fitz, these are my friends from work.
Laura: It’s so nice to finally meet you! We’ve heard so much about you from your wife!
Laura: Um…yes, we’ve heard you have a very lovely estate. I’ve never been there but I’ve heard it’s a lovely area.
Laura: And you have horses?
Darcy: <Looks away and stares at television on the wall>
Steve: <jumping in> Hey, Fitz, you like to shoot, right?
Darcy: <Begrudgingly turns back to the party> I do.
Steve: I’ve got a couple of passes to the rifle range outside of town. We should go sometime!
Darcy: I would rather not.
You: Maybe we should just get a table…
— Watching TV—
You: <laughing> Oh my gosh, Fitz, you’ve got to watch this show. It’s hilarious!
Darcy: Ok. <sits next to you>
Show: …and that’s when the car exploded!
Darcy: Why are you laughing?
— Chores —
You: Can you do the dishes tonight?
Darcy: I must tell you how ardently I admire and love doing the dishes.
You: And could you iron your shirts, please? I don’t have time to do it.
Darcy: I must tell you how ardently I admire and love ironing shirts.