From Mouthless-Mutters on Tumblr. Happy Sherlock Day, Lovelies!
The Vicky A girls work hard for the money, just like most of you dear readers probably do. Sewing shirtwaists is a challenging, rewarding career, except when performance appraisal time comes around. Performance appraisals are a huge drag, but imagine being Detective Lestrade, having to write Sherlock Holmes’s yearly appraisal. We imagine it might look something like this.
Performance Appraisal: Sherlock Holmes
Title: Consulting Detective
Manager: Detective Lestrade
Organization: Scotland Yard
Describe key accomplishments or achievements for the current review period.
Employee has solved at least a dozen cases. Five were deemed “unsolvable” by Scotland Yard, three were old cases that had been closed as unsolved, three were commissioned by the victims or accused, and one we had to just make up to keep him from going crazy.
Rate employee in each category using A through F and provide supporting comments as necessary.
Technical Ability – A
Employee’s technical ability is second-to-none. His skills in deduction are marvellous.
Interpersonal Skills – F
Employee has no interpersonal skills.
Creativity Initiative – B
Employee lives for his work, constantly seeking out new cases. Rather petulant when not working. Known to ignore cases he does not find sufficiently challenging.
Communication – D
Employee never explains what he’s thinking until the case is solved and the villain is apprehended. Very frustrating.
Organization/Timeliness – C
Employee has a chaotic personal reference library, though he always seems to be able to find things when needed. Employee is timely when interested and tardy (or completely absent) when bored by a case.
Attitude – C
Employee is frequently condescending, rude, and self-absorbed. He has no friends, except for one.
“The air of London is sweeter for my presence.” ~Holmes, The Final Problem
Back in May, I found myself glued to my TV for the season finale of BBC’s magnificent modernization of Sherlock Holmes. My fellow Vicky A and I texted frantically back and forth during “The Reichenbach Fall”, the ‘buzz-uzz’ of which occasionally sent me flying off the couch in surprise as it interrupted my enrapt attention to the drama proceeding across my screen. We bounced from scene to scene, notes flying about regarding this bit of minutiae or that bit of genius plot. I remember sitting on the couch towards the very end of the episode, blubbering to my husband that “OMG he HAS to be watching from afar, he HAS to be watching from afar BAWWWWWWWWWW THERE HE IS” and then shamelessly dissolving into ugly sobs. I know I wasn’t the only one: previews of this finale described it as “utterly heartbreaking”. Why does Holmes still affect us so deeply to this day? Why does Holmes matter? Continue reading